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exoskeletalrat @ 04:10 pm: go cardinals
so the past three weeks have been great for me. first of all, the baseball playoffs have been going on and we all know how happy i am that the cardinals are in the world series. i even got to go to game seven of the NLCS and it was absolutely the most incredible thing i have ever done in my life. i actually cried when they won. i was so happy and i knew they could do it and now that they are playing my other favorite team in the world series, life is good. i just hope that i dont go through some post pardum depression or anything after the playoffs are over. i really want the Cardinals to win, but if they dont, meh, at least the yankees didnt beat them. i started working at hope montesorri about five weeks ago now. i love my job a whole lot. within two and a half weeks they made me full time and put me permenantely in the kindergarten class room which is fun. i really love those kids. theyre all so amazing. im hoping they ask me to go through the montesorri training so i couold be a certified montessori teacher. then i would get paid more and when i move, i could go anywhere and get a sweet ass teaching job. teaching is so great. i feel really blessed that i can be a part of these kids lives and constantly be in service. thats the one thing i always missed when i wasnt at camp. my other jobs have been fine, but it was never satisfying because i wasnt really in service. i think for me to survive this world, i have to be in service. there is just something about giving that i love so much.

so i was looking for some old baseball stuff i had and i came across my love note bag from when my very first summer camp at weloki. as i was reading these love notes, it was so great to see what people told me about myself when i was 19 and not so crazy. i think it was terri garneau (who i love so much by the way) who told me that i had this really calm peaceful aura that really made people want to be around me. at that time, i didnt really even knew what that meant, i mean i knew i was pretty peaceful and stuff, but i never realized that i was the way i was. i just was. and thats really how ive been feeling lately.

not a whole lot of stuff bothers me, i dont get as depressed as i used to. things are going good and stuff's pretty normal. for me, normalcy is an oxymoron.

over the past few years with all the crazy things i have put myself through, ive realized a lot about myself and what it actually means to be me. i love myself again finally, i love everything i see and thats the way i used to be, when terri garneau wrote that note to me. things have been really going well and i thank God that through all of the things that have happened, i have survived and persevered and made it through this into a once again enlightened state of being. i love walking around and noticing everything as an act of God and i can assure you that when you walk around and see everything as if your eyes are actually God's eyes, you will start seeing things in a different, more brilliant, beautiful, more loving way. thats the way i have to do my life, for if i dont, i dont make it to the next day. i had to succumb to His way, and His way is my only way. there is no point in being frustrated and upset about stuff. there is no point in loving the mistakes and seeing them as challenges and opportunities for growth, there is no point (for me at least) in not loving everything i see, feel, think, act, and do. you see to me, there is no point. i have to think like this and now, because of my experiences, i feel i am one step closer to accomplishing my every dream. because i now know, that there is nothing in my way, and i am my creator, as he is in me.

i guess what i need to do is go to UYO or something. i have the basic things i need down, but i really want guidance and i want everything outlined for me a little better. ive been working too hard to let this be bothersome. i want it to be fun and easy, not questionable and scary.

go cardinals. or red sox. i dont really care who wins. im just a baseball fan right now. :)

Current Mood: amusedamused


Date:November 15th, 2004 08:41 am (UTC)

Hey Q!

Hey Q, that is so awesome you are doing so well. I have been doing allright, really missing camp a lot and can't wait to go again. I don't know if I will be able to this summer because I am doing this program called Amigos where you go to a Latin American country for 7 weeks, so I am really excited about that. My parents just got back from China and I was living with my friend, whose family is very high-strung, so a lot of my anxiety came back, but I am trying to not have that. We need to keep in touch, I miss you a lot!

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Date:July 23rd, 2012 05:42 pm (UTC)
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